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 When an individual abuses substances, we
know the effects are felt by the others in his or her life. When
the abuser is involved in a romantic relationship the effects
are felt on an even deeper level. As part of a committed couple,
the individuals are vulnerable to the outcomes of the others’
choices. The ramifications can be as simple as a spouse missing
work due to a hangover or as devastating as personal injury from
domestic violence.
When Both Partners
Use
Dr. Chris Cavacuiti of the Department of
Family and Community Medicine at St. Michael’s Hospital in
Ontario, Canada notes that a “disproportionate number of
individuals manifesting substance abuse form relationships with
partners that also manifest substance abuse.” Cavacuiti sees
substance abusing couples in a “love triangle” with the drugs as
the third party and the couple having a love-hate relationship
with the drugs. Even if one partner is not using, it is quite
possible that the non-using partner will begin. Cavacuiti points
this out, as well as the fact that women are more likely to
follow men’s substance abusing behavior.
Cavacuiti observes that as individuals go
through the stages of recovery, so do couples. The couple begins
with active substance abuse, then transition, early recovery,
and finally stable ongoing recovery. When couples who use
together attempt a joint recovery they often don’t make it.
Divorce is common in the first 3-5 years of recovery. Often a
couple can not mend the damage done to the relationship by
substance abuse; they’ve outgrown each other, or one member
recovers and the other does not.
Interestingly enough, Cavacuiti reports
that when both couples use substances their satisfaction and
stability in the relationship go up with increased substance
use. When only one partner is abusing substances the
satisfaction and stability with the relationship decrease as
substance abuse increases.
Both Suffer When
One Uses
In general, the greatest harm done by
substance abuse is suffered by the abuser, but next in line is
surely their partner. Substance abuse may not be apparent to
the non-abusing partner from the onset. Dr. William Fals-Stewart
of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy says
there are generally red flags that eventually point to a greater
problem. For example: financial problems from money secretly
spent on drugs and/or alcohol or from carelessness about payment
of bills, staying out late due to substance abuse, legal
problems from DUI or drug charges, or missing work. These
issues lead to emotional distance which can be hard to breach.
Fals-Stewart notes that these issues can cause a “downward
spiral” that is difficult to stop. The stress leads to
arguments and the arguments can lead to more substance abuse to
relieve the stress. In the worst case those arguments can lead
to physical violence and even death.
Typically in relationships where one member
is abusing substances, a pattern emerges where the non-using
member “over-functions,” often taking over responsibilities for
the using member. Amy Zachary, an MSW practicing in New York
City, says that during recovery a couple must negotiate a
redistribution of power in the relationship. They must learn new
behaviors and rebuild trust. Zachary advises that the couple
embrace recovery together and that they make no major decisions
in the first year of recovery. The non-abusing partner must
also embrace recovery, says Zachary. Alanon is the twelve-step
support group created for those affected by another’s alcohol
use. Zachary suggests that partners can learn lessons in
establishing limits and setting boundaries and that the work is
never done. Alanon “teaches people what is their responsibility
and what is not”.
Harmful Outcomes
Regardless if one or both members of a
couple are abusing substances, the outcomes can be
life-changing. For couples who have children, social services
often becomes involved. The NC Department of Social Services
reports that in 2005 over 2300 (21%) of the 10,829 children in
the Department’s custody were in custody due to one or more
factors pertaining to drug or alcohol abuse.
For 2002 and 2003 among adults 21 or older,
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration(SAMHSA)
shares DUI statistics. 30.7 million persons aged 21 or older
(16.6% of adult drivers) reported driving under the influence of
alcohol illegal drugs during the past year; of these, 1.2
million (0.6% of adult drivers) were arrested for driving under
the influence of alcohol or illicit drugs during the past year.
See The NSDUH Report:
Arrest for Driving
Under the Influence among Adult Drivers Office of Applied
Studies.
Using illegal drugs or driving under the
influence often results in criminal charges, bills from
attorneys, court costs, and increased insurance rates. In many
cases it can lead to incarceration. In 2003 the Office of
National Drug Control Policy reports that NC had 40,352 drug
arrests. As of June 30, 2005, 5,179 drug offenders reside in NC
prisons. See
http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/statelocal/nc/nc.pdf.
Finding and keeping a job can be a
challenge for a partner who is abusing substances. A criminal
record with past convictions from substance abuse related
arrests can hamper landing a job as can the inability to pass a
drug screen. The stress of unemployment can lead to more
substance abuse and an even harder time obtaining employment
(Annie E. Casey Foundation).
Domestic violence is the outcome that is
most apparent and sometimes the most deadly for couples where
one or both abuse substances. One study done in Memphis,
Tennessee shows that 94% of the domestic violence calls receive,
involved a perpetrator that had used alcohol and/or drugs within
6 hours of the assault (Cavacuiti, Substance Use and Misuse
2004). In addition, the study showed that 43% of the victims had
also been using.
Carol Bryant, a Court Advocate at Safe,
Inc. a women’s shelter in Wilkesboro, NC, reports that in 2006,
98% of the residents at the shelter have had substance abuse
issues. Ms. Bryant states that the resident’s partners also have
substance abuse problems. The residents get referred to the
county substance abuse facility and are required to attend 12
step programs. Currently the shelter does not do drug testing,
but they are considering it. She said that the resident’s
spouses are referred for anger management, but it is not
required that they seek substance abuse treatment. “It is hard
to treat the domestic violence when substance abuse is active,”
Bryant says.
The Center for Substance Abuse Prevention (CSAP)
http://preventionpathways.samhsa.gov/pdfs/fact_women.pdf
reports that “the use of alcohol and other drugs by
either partner is a risk factor for partner abuse.” CSAP notes
that studies show that more than half of defendants accused of
murdering their spouses had been drinking alcohol at the time
the murders occurred.
The Next
Step
Editor: Leanne
Murray
Writer: Cathy Swing
Designer: Virginia Hart
Partnership for a Drug-Free
NC
665 W. Fourth Street
Winston-Salem, NC 27101
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